Skip over main navigation
  • Sign up
  • Log in
  • Basket: (0 items)
Consortium of Voluntary Adoption Agencies
  • Twitter
Members area Subscribe
Menu
  • About us
    • What we do
    • About membership
    • Our members
    • Who we are
      • Our board
      • Our staff
    • Key documents
    • Contact us
    • Our approach to privacy
  • About adoption
    • Thinking about adoption
    • The adoption process
    • Adoption support
    • Myth busting
    • Adoption events
    • News
    • Services for adopted adults
      • Accessing your adoption records
      • Locating your birth family
  • Voluntary adoption agencies
    • Find your nearest agency
    • What is a VAA?
    • Why adopt through a VAA?
    • Our members’ work
      • Adoption stories
  • Training & workshops
    • About the Practice Programme
    • Events calendar
    • Bulk purchase training
    • Our approach to IP
  • For professionals
    • Become a subscriber
    • Interagency fee
    • Covid-19 Resources
    • Anti-racism in adoption
    • Post-Commencement Documents
    • Resources
      • Online learning
      • Legislation and policy
    • Work in adoption
    • Policy work
  • Support us
  • Admin
    • Log in
  • Basket: (0 items)
  1. About adoption
  2. Myth busting

Myth busting

There is a lot to get your head round when you're thinking about adopting, and you may have come across confusing, misleading, or incorrect information. Here we want to clarify some of the most common myths that surround adoption. At the heart of the adoption system are people who are committed to ensuring that what is best for the child is at the centre of any decisions made about their life, and that adopters are supported to be the best parents they can be.

There are no wrong questions. You should discuss any concerns you have, no matter how small or silly they may seem to you, with your adoption agency – they want you be well-informed, and many adopters before you will probably have asked the same questions.

You have to be well-off and/or have no debt to adopt

Expand

Adoption is about providing a loving home and protecting children from ongoing serious harm. It is not a question of class or income. Adoptive parents come from a range of backgrounds, as do the children waiting for a home.

Being on a low income or benefits, renting your home or having debts do not stand in the way of adopting a child. Suitability for being an adopter is based on a number of factors, the most important of which is that you have the commitment, warmth, energy and flexibility to meet a child’s emotional and physical needs as they grow up.

Adopters may have debts, but so long as these are understood and you can manage repayments alongside living expenses then this shouldn’t be a problem.

You need to be able to give your adopted child plenty of time and attention, too, which may mean work has to change. This could have financial implications. Your adoption agency will provide advice on this, but having a low income is in no way a barrier to being an adoptive parent. If you are in receipt of benefits, you might need to provide evidence of a stable lifestyle and the ability to manage on the income you receive.

Openness and honesty about financial pressures is encouraged right from the outset of your application.

Adoption agencies don’t charge to assess or approve adopters. But there may be some additional costs such as GP charges for a medical certificate.  This depends on the individual GP practice and you may be able to get costs covered by the local authority in some circumstances.

Published: 23rd September, 2019

Updated: 2nd October, 2020

Author: Daniel Murdoch

Related topics:
  • Myth busting
Share this page
  • Email
  • Facebook
  • Twitter

Why are there targets for adoption and what is the Adoption Scorecard?

Expand

The adoption targets and scorecards are for local authorities to stop children waiting so long to be adopted and being stuck in the care system. They do not incentivise an increase in adoption numbers.

The aim is to improve local authority practice and reduce the time that children remain in care, once a court has decided that a child should be placed for adoption. Thousands of children who are unable to safely return to their families remain unadopted for too long. It’s not surprising that as children wait longer in care they become increasingly angry, confused and dejected – often resulting in challenging and difficult behaviour. These children need a special kind of adopter, which means they wait even longer until the right adopter can be found. That is why there is a great need for adopters with the energy and resilience to care for often challenging children.

Published: 23rd September, 2019

Updated: 11th October, 2019

Author: Daniel Murdoch

Related topics:
  • Myth busting
Share this page
  • Email
  • Facebook
  • Twitter

Do social workers get a bonus each time they recommend a child is placed for adoption?

Expand

Absolutely not.

Social workers don’t enter the profession to take children away from their families - they want to help and support families. For many, an adoption can feel like they’ve failed - they’ve been unable to find a safe solution that would mean a child can return to live with their family.

Furthermore, social workers do not make the decision to place a child for adoption. They make recommendations based on assessments that will have been scrutinised and challenged by their managers, lawyers, Cafcass Guardians and ultimately by a Judge. Only a court has the power to grant placement orders, which allow children to be placed with adoptive parents, and adoption orders, which sever children's legal ties with their birth families and make their adoptive families their legal families.

Published: 23rd September, 2019

Updated: 5th October, 2020

Author: Daniel Murdoch

Related topics:
  • Myth busting
Share this page
  • Email
  • Facebook
  • Twitter

Birth families can get a child back after the court has made an adoption order

Expand

This is not the case. Once a court has agreed that the child can be adopted by the approved adopters, an adoption order is made and birth parents can no longer challenge the adoption. The birth parents’ case will have been heard by the court during proceedings and will have been taken into account in the final judgement. 

Published: 23rd September, 2019

Updated: 1st November, 2019

Author: Daniel Murdoch

Related topics:
  • Myth busting
Share this page
  • Email
  • Facebook
  • Twitter

You have to wait longer to adopt a child through a VAA as they don’t have the children awaiting adoption

Expand

Not true! Local authorities (LAs) are responsible for looking after children awaiting adoption, but both local authorities and VAAs, as well as regional adoption agencies (RAAs), look for the right adoptive parents and work together to find the best potential adopters to meet the needs of the children waiting. 

Once you are approved, your social worker will communicate with LA children's social workers throughout the country to find children for whom you would be a good fit. In 2019, 60% of matched adopters were introduced to their child or children’s profile by their own social worker (Adoption Barometer 2020).

Once you are approved, you will also be able to access LinkMaker, a website which has the details of many of the children waiting for a home. Scotland and Wales also have Adoption Registers which list children and adopters waiting.

Adopters who have very narrow criteria for the children they wish to adopt tend to wait the longest before finding the right match. Many of the children waiting for adoption have special placement needs (e.g. a disability or a need to be placed with their siblings), so if you are open to more children then you have a good chance of being matched more quickly.

 

Published: 23rd September, 2019

Updated: 5th October, 2020

Author: Daniel Murdoch

Related topics:
  • Myth busting
Share this page
  • Email
  • Facebook
  • Twitter

Once we've adopted we'll be on our own. We won't get any help

Expand

You won’t be on your own. All adoption agencies offer ongoing support to their adoptive families. The services that are available do vary between agencies, however, so before registering with an agency we recommend doing your research and identifying what is important to you. You can look at different agency's websites and online discussion forums (e.g. on Facebook and Mumsnet), as well as asking the agency themselves what is on offer and how they will be able to support your family.

The Government has set up an Adoption Support Fund (ASF) in England to pay for essential therapeutic support. Your local authority can apply to the fund on your behalf, and if you adopted through a VAA then they can support you to put in an application through your local authority. In addition, most agencies have adopter peer support groups where you can talk about common concerns as well as celebrate and have fun, and many VAAs host annual events such as discos, picnics, and Christmas parties.

Published: 23rd September, 2019

Updated: 5th October, 2020

Author: Daniel Murdoch

Related topics:
  • Myth busting
Share this page
  • Email
  • Facebook
  • Twitter

If we're approved to adopt, we won't have any say in the child(ren) we are matched with

Expand

This isn’t true! It essential that you and your child(ren) are the 'right fit' for one another. Once you are approved, your agency will work with you to identify children who may be a good fit. Your assessing social worker will send your profile to local authorities and regional adoption agencies; likewise, other agencies will start sending children's profiles to your social worker. You will probably look at a lot of children's profiles and it may feel a bit overwhelming - there are thousands of children waiting for an adoptive family, and you do not need to say 'yes' to the first child(ren) you see. Your agency will support you throughout the linking and matching process to ensure that you and your child(ren) are right for one another, and you will always have the final say.

Published: 23rd September, 2019

Updated: 5th October, 2020

Author: Daniel Murdoch

Related topics:
  • Myth busting
Share this page
  • Email
  • Facebook
  • Twitter

We don’t have any experience of looking after children, so we can’t adopt

Expand

It is certainly helpful for prospective adopters to have some experience with children, particularly if you are going to adopt older children or siblings. However, a lack of experience won’t prevent you from beginning the adopter approval process. Some adoption agencies might suggest you do some voluntary work with a school or club to gain childcare experience and become more comfortable spending time with children you don't know well.

Published: 23rd September, 2019

Updated: 10th October, 2019

Author: Daniel Murdoch

Related topics:
  • Myth busting
Share this page
  • Email
  • Facebook
  • Twitter

I’m too old to adopt a child

Expand

There is no upper age limit to adoption as long as you have the physical and mental energy to care for children. However, you do have to be at least 21 years of age in order to adopt.

Published: 23rd September, 2019

Updated: 2nd October, 2020

Author: Daniel Murdoch

Related topics:
  • Myth busting
Share this page
  • Email
  • Facebook
  • Twitter

I’m disabled/ have a long-term illness so I won’t be allowed to adopt a child

Expand

Having a disability or a long-term illness (e.g. HIV or diabetes) is not a barrier to adoption, provided you are able care for a child. In fact, many people who adopt have a disability or medical condition. Medical advice will be sought in relation to all medical conditions and the focus of discussion will relate to how well you are able to care for a child throughout childhood, the sort of support you have from a partner or other close family members or friends if you are unwell and consideration about the long term prognosis of your condition. The focus will be on considering how you can safely and consistently meet the needs of a child throughout their childhood. In some cases, people with disabilities or long-term health conditions have been provided with additional support to enable an adoption to go ahead.

Published: 23rd September, 2019

Updated: 2nd October, 2020

Author: Daniel Murdoch

Related topics:
  • Myth busting
Share this page
  • Email
  • Facebook
  • Twitter

I can’t adopt because I’m single/a single man

Expand

You can absolutely adopt if you are single! Many single people, whatever their gender or sexual orientation, have successfully adopted children. It will be important for you to have a strong and supportive community of family and/or friends, which you will explore with your agency as part of the assessment process.

Published: 23rd September, 2019

Updated: 2nd October, 2020

Author: Daniel Murdoch

Related topics:
  • Myth busting
Share this page
  • Email
  • Facebook
  • Twitter

We can’t adopt as we’re not married

Expand

Not true! You can adopt a child regardless of your marital status – whether you’re single, unmarried, in a civil partnership or married. If you are in a relationship, you agency will expect you to have lived together for at least one year at point of application and for there to be evidence that your relationship is stable and enduring. Adopted children have often experienced considerable disruption in their lives, so ensuring that your situation is stable is an important part of the assessment. A child moving in with their family can challenge any relationship, so there would need to be evidence that you have managed a variety of situations together.  

Published: 23rd September, 2019

Updated: 2nd October, 2020

Author: Daniel Murdoch

Related topics:
  • Myth busting
Share this page
  • Email
  • Facebook
  • Twitter

I can’t adopt because I’m LGBT+

Expand

Yes you can! All adopters are welcome regardless of their sexuality or gender.

If you have a partner, the same criteria would apply as to heterosexual couples: we would expect partners who live together to have done so for at least one year at point of application and for there to be evidence that your relationship is stable and enduring.

If you have transitioned, it would be important for you to be established in your gender identity prior to application.

New Family Social is the leading organisation for LGBT+ adopters and foster carers, and their website has extensive information to support your adoption journey.

Published: 23rd September, 2019

Updated: 2nd October, 2020

Author: Daniel Murdoch

Related topics:
  • Myth busting
Share this page
  • Email
  • Facebook
  • Twitter

I’m unemployed, on benefits or have a low income, so I won’t be allowed to adopt

Expand

Being on a low income or benefits should not stop you applying to adopt a child. As part of the assessment process your adoption agency will consider first and foremost your ability to provide a loving and secure home for a child, which will include consideration of your financial circumstances and employment status.

Published: 23rd September, 2019

Updated: 10th October, 2019

Author: Daniel Murdoch

Related topics:
  • Myth busting
Share this page
  • Email
  • Facebook
  • Twitter

I already have children or am considering having birth children, so I won’t be allowed to adopt

Expand

Having children already will not exclude you from adopting. Your adoption agency will take the age and needs of your children into consideration as part of the adoption assessment to ensure your adopted child(ren) can settle in well as part of your family.  Your agency will usually want your adopted child(ren) to be the youngest in the family by at least two years; however, we would encourage you to discuss your individual situation with your agency.

If you want to adopt before having birth children, then it would be important for the adopted child to be settled before considering having birth children.

Published: 23rd September, 2019

Updated: 2nd October, 2020

Author: Daniel Murdoch

Related topics:
  • Myth busting
Share this page
  • Email
  • Facebook
  • Twitter

I can’t adopt a child from a different ethnic background

Expand

Not true. You can adopt a child from a different ethnic background as long as you can meet the child’s needs. Adoptive families can get support to help their adopted children understand their cultural, religious and ethnic backgrounds. You will also need to consider the impact on your adopted child of being different from other family members. Your adoption agency can help you think about how you will support your child to incorporate both their birth and adoptive heritages into their identity.

Published: 23rd September, 2019

Updated: 10th October, 2019

Author: Daniel Murdoch

Related topics:
  • Myth busting
Share this page
  • Email
  • Facebook
  • Twitter

I can’t adopt as I have a criminal record

Expand

If you have a criminal record, your adoption agency will look into the specific circumstances very carefully. If you have a criminal caution or conviction for offences against children or sexual offences against adults, you will be ruled out. Other offences may not necessarily rule someone out, and your agency will consider your situation on an individual basis. It is important to be honest with your agency from day one so that they can appropriately advise and support you.

Published: 23rd September, 2019

Updated: 10th October, 2019

Author: Daniel Murdoch

Related topics:
  • Myth busting
Share this page
  • Email
  • Facebook
  • Twitter

I can’t adopt a child because I smoke

Expand

Smoking will not necessarily rule you out. However, you do need to be fit and well in order to see your child(ren) through to adulthood, and your adoption agency will consider all health and lifestyle-related issues as part of your assessment. They need to be sure that there are not no specific health risks to you or to the children who may be placed in your care. Different agencies will have different policies on smoking, but it is unlikely that children under five and those with some medical conditions would be placed in smoking households.

Published: 23rd September, 2019

Updated: 10th October, 2019

Author: Daniel Murdoch

Related topics:
  • Myth busting
Share this page
  • Email
  • Facebook
  • Twitter

I don’t own my own home, so I won’t be able to adopt a child

Expand

You don't have to own your own home to adopt a child. As long as you have the space (i.e. one spare room per child) and are not at risk of eviction, then renting will not preclude you from adopting.

As part of the assessment process your agency will most likely ask for references from your landlord to ensure that you are able to provide a secure and stable home, along with evidence that there is a reasonable tenancy on the property that you live in and that you have the means to access another property should the tenancy end.

Published: 23rd September, 2019

Updated: 2nd October, 2020

Author:

Related topics:
  • Myth busting
Share this page
  • Email
  • Facebook
  • Twitter

My faith or religion will be a barrier to adopting

Expand

Absolutely not true.

Adopters can be of all faiths and none. Children who need to be placed for adoption come from many different cultures, backgrounds, and religions, and it can be helpful for their long-term identity development and self-estteem if the family they are placed with reflects that. That means that agencies will welcome adopters who have a faith or no faith, and those who are from a variety of cultural and/or religious backgrounds.

Children needing families from certain cultural backgrounds wait longer than others for adoptive families, and all agencies would encourage adopters to consider adopting a child from an ethnicity, culture or religion other than their own.

Finally, research has shown that faith - with its inherent altruism and care for the vulnerable - is a great motivator for people to adopt.

Published: 5th October, 2020

Author: Sam Mercadante

Related topics:
  • Myth busting
Share this page
  • Email
  • Facebook
  • Twitter

I can look into adoption while continuing with fertility treatment

Expand

Most agencies will not permit you to start the adoption process whilst undergoing fertility treatment. Adopting a child needs to be your priority, and that will require you to have accepted that having a birth child is no longer an option.

It is therefore important that you complete any fertility treatments before starting your adoption journey. 

Once treatment has ended, we recommend that you take some time to come to terms with the fact that it has not resulted in a birth child. Some people can be ready to adopt within a few months; for others, grieving this process and being ready to consider adoption will take longer. Many people who come to adoption due to infertility have accessed counselling following fertility treatments, which your agency would view positively.

We would encourage you to discuss this with your adoption agency, who will advise you on depending on your personal circumstances.

Published: 5th October, 2020

Author: Sam Mercadante

Related topics:
  • Myth busting
Share this page
  • Email
  • Facebook
  • Twitter

I've suffered from depression, anxiety, schizophrenia, or another mental health condition, so I won't be able to adopt

Expand

Many (probably most!) people have periods of stress, depression or anxiety in their lives. Whilst your agency would need to discuss with you how you have managed these experiences, they are unlikely to prevent you adopting a child.

Additionally, some people have longer-term mental health conditions which are well controlled with medication. There would need to be discussion about this, and your medical assessment would provide the agency with medical advice in relation to your ability to adopt and parent a child. The main considerations will relate to how often you might be unwell, how that manifests itself, and who is there to offer support at such times.

The focus for the adoption agency will always be to assess your ability to meet a child’s needs in a consistent way and to consider how the stress of adopting a child will affect your mental health.

There may be times when the agency feels that someone’s mental health is not stable enough to parent an adopted child. This would be considered early in the assessment process with the input of medical professionals and the people who know you well.

Published: 5th October, 2020

Author: Sam Mercadante

Related topics:
  • Myth busting
Share this page
  • Email
  • Facebook
  • Twitter

My weight will affect whether I can adopt

Expand

People of all shapes and sizes successfully adopt children all the time. However, your agency will need to be sure that youare likely to remain healthy enough to parent a child into adulthood and that the child will have a healthy lifestyle, too. This can be a sensitive issue, but it is one that you agency will need to discuss with you. Your overall health will also be assessed as part of the medical that you will need to have.

In cases where you may experience higher than average risks to your long-term health (whether due to weight or other factors), your agency may discuss with you how you can build more health-seeking behaviours into your lifestyle. However, the focus of the discussion will be about your ability to remain physically well and active enough to successfully parent an adopted child into adulthood.

Published: 5th October, 2020

Author: Sam Mercadante

Related topics:
  • Myth busting
Share this page
  • Email
  • Facebook
  • Twitter

I or my partner will have to quit work in order to adopt

Expand

Your agency will recommend that at least one parent takes time off work following a child moving in with their adoptive family - this is true of single adopters, too. If you work for a company (i.e. are not self-employed), you may be entitled to statutory adoption leave and pay, and if you have a partner they may be entitled to the equivalent of paternity leave.

A child will need time to build a relationship with their new family, and it will take time for them to feel safe and secure. It is difficult to say how long this will take, but at least 12 months is not unusual. If an older child is moving in with you and attends school, then after a period of settling in it may be possible to work and still be there for the child at either end of the school day.

On occasion, a child may need a parent to be off work longer than 12 months, in which case financial support may be available from your agency or the local authority where the child was in care. For people who are self-employed and not entitled to adoption leave allowances, your agency would need to discuss with you how you plan to balance the need for work and offering a child the stability and time that they need when they first move in with you.

Published: 5th October, 2020

Author: Sam Mercadante

Related topics:
  • Myth busting
Share this page
  • Email
  • Facebook
  • Twitter
Load more Back to top

Showing 10 of 29

Latest

  • Independent Adoption Social Workers

    PACT

  • Adoption Social Worker (Part Time)

    Faith in Families

  • Transitions in Education: hearing from Adoptees

    Transitions in Education: hearing from Adoptees

    Practice webinar co-delivered with PAC-UK

  • The Benefits and Dilemmas of Delivering Quality Services to Adopted Adults

    The Benefits and Dilemmas of Delivering Quality Services to Adopted Adults

    Practice webinar co-delivered with St. Francis Children's Society

Most read

  • Thinking about adoption

    Thinking about adoption

    Are you thinking about adoption? Find out more about adoption and its processes on our website.

  • The adoption process

    The adoption process

    Find out how to begin your adoption journey and the processes involved in adopting.

  • Minister for Children and Families (England) strengthens new government’s commitment to children and adoption

    The Minister for Children and Families, Michelle Donelan MP, has written to all local authorities (LAs) to ensure that they are considering adoption and welcoming prospective adopters.

  • Find your nearest agency

    Use our agency finder tool to find your nearest voluntary adoption agency

  • Why adopt through a VAA?

    Why adopt through a VAA?

    Why chose a Voluntary Adoption Agency to start your adoption journey?

  • Caring for the Carer - A Body-Based Approach to Managing Work Stress

    Caring for the Carer - A Body-Based Approach to Managing Work Stress

    Expert-led training session with Jay Vaughan, a State Registered Dramatherapist, a Certified Dyadic Developmental Psychotherapist and Somatic Experience Practitioner

  • You have to be well-off and/or have no debt to adopt

  • Birth families can get a child back after the court has made an adoption order

  • You have to wait longer to adopt a child through a VAA as they don’t have the children awaiting adoption

  • If we're approved to adopt, we won't have any say in the child(ren) we are matched with

Newsletter

Please enter your first name
Please enter your last name
Please enter your email address Please enter a valid email address (e.g. [email protected])

  • Contact us
  • Jobs
  • FAQs
  • Sitemap
  • Accessibility
  • Terms & Conditions
  • Privacy Policy

Registered office: CVAA, Gregory House, Coram Campus, 41 Brunswick Square, London WC1N 1AZ 

Copyright ©2019 Consortium of Voluntary Adoption Agencies. All rights Reserved. 

Registered as a Charity number 1108318
Company Number 5275491